September 7th holds a lot of grief for me. It was that day, three years ago, I truly learned what it felt like to have your heart ripped from your chest.
When I close my eyes I can still hear my screams and cries echoing through the hospital room as I fought hard to catch my breath and comprehend what they had just told me. The doctors and nurses left the room and I found myself alone, walls closing in and all I could do was scream. I screamed and screamed and screamed.
"My baby!!!" are the only words I could find and darkness grew over that room and over my heart.
September 7, 2014 I was told, "Baby A didn't make it." Baby A is Ryder Dylan Dail. Ryder was a name that Nick and I had always loved and Dylan is after Bob Dylan - a musician that sings a song we both hold close to our hearts and our relationship. I remember through our first year after loss, I worried that I'd never hear the name I loved so much again, and you all have proven me wrong.
I hear Ryder's name daily. DAILY. As though he was running through our halls or in our in presence. You all speak his name and for that I'll be forever grateful.
August is a month that is full of memories of me fighting, praying and growing closer to God. September is a month full of darkness, loneliness and grief. September held a lot of doubts and gaps within my faith and I wasn't sure if I'd come back from it all. I didn't think I'd make it.
But all along I had an army not willing to give up on me & through all of your support and comforting words, you all have helped me to turn a September full darkness into a September full of light, restoration and hope.
This Thursday is a day we will remember Ryder. Our sweet baby that fought hard, kicked hard and that I love with all my being.
Each September 7th, I have asked you all to join me in saying or writing his name. This helps keep his memory alive and my heart full knowing that not only a name we loved so much, but our sweet boy we love so much is remembered and missed greatly. So however you choose, this Thursday, write his name, speak his name and join us in remembering our Baby A - Ryder Dylan Dail. Read Ryder's full story here.
(Here are pictures captured of Ryder's name from previous years, and know I keep these in an album and close to my heart!!)