Sitting at my desk, I typed and stared at my computer screen for hours on end. I was getting through the day and crossing things off my list until it hit me. Rolling through my stomach, up through my throat and back down, I felt the beginning of God's promise. It started with reflux, and I sat for a moment thinking about all the possibilities of what this reflux meant. I don't typically have reflux unless I'm pregnant. It had been four months since Nick and I took a leap of faith and allowed God full control over our future and whether or not that meant having another baby, and here I was, pressing on my black keyboard, staring at my wide computer screen, wondering if I was just imagining the uncomfortable feeling that had taken over my body or was I actually on to something.
Running down the stairs, I prayed in between steps and asked God to guide me. I was already feeling defeated with four months filled with negative tests and the inability to control the very situation that my heart longed for. I secretly locked myself in the bathroom and took the test by myself. While I would have loved Nick to be a part of it, the thought of disappointment on his face was too much to bare. I liked to take those moments to myself and be alone with God while facing my future in the eyes. Positive. The test immediately revealed two lines and my hands began to shake. Relief, worry, happiness, sadness, elation - a wave of emotions took over my body as I ran through our bedroom and screamed Nick's name. My voice shook as I tried to muster the right words to get him away from the children without them wanting to follow along. I shut the door behind him and held up the test. Instantly, tears filled his eyes and we held each other.
Four years after our loss, four months of praying for God's guidance and a little bit of reflux, all of God's promises came to fruition.