infophotographer credits.

+ PHOTOGRAPHER SPOTLIGHT

 

infoorders.

+ S&H

+ FAQ
 

 

infosocial.

+ INSTAGRAM

+ FACEBOOK

 

stistay in the know.

 

 

TCB IS A SAFE PLACE WHERE HEARTS ARE SHARED & HOPE IS SPREAD. JOIN OUR COMMUNITY TO STAY IN THE KNOW, RECIEVE FREE GIFTS & FOR WEEKLY ENCOURAGEMENT.

 

©THE COLOR BLUE AND HOPE INC | A NON-PROFIT ORGANIZATION 501C3 | BOX OF HOPE™

 | BOX OF LOVE™ | BOX OF JOY™

WEBSITE DESIGN BY JENNA DAIL | ORLANDO, FLORIDA | JENNADAIL@OUTLOOK.COM

Please reload

welcome home.

October 15, 2014

 

The air is cold, but not cold enough to cool my body temperature from all the running around I did today. My head is cloudy as I am trying to keep my eyes open. I'm exhausted. I'm nervous. I'm on edge.

 

I didn't sleep well last night, as the boys have been on my mind a lot. I was up for two hours straight viewing blogs, FB, and Pinterest. Closing and opening Apps as the boredom set in, until I finally decided to write. I searched old text messages to remember correct dates of my time with the boys. I wrote it all out so that in time, I can share my story with you.

 

Today is the day my boys get to come home. The drive here was long, bright, and full of thoughts.

 

"Will I cry?

 

"How do I explain to Cohban where we are going?"

 

"I'm so tired."

 

"I'm so nervous."

 

How fitting is it that our boys are coming home on Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Day?

 

I read a sign that said, "1 in 4 women. It's not just a statistic, it's me."

 

Today, it's me. It's my life. It's each of those 1 in 4. It's your sister, it's your mother, it's your best friend, it's you.

 

Today I'm more aware of it as I drive down I4 with my boys in their urns sitting next to me in the front seat.

 

This isn't what I envisioned being a mother of four would look like. I thought I'd have a mini van with four car seats, as I smiled and carried my new boys into their new home. We'd have "Welcome Home" signs decorated by big brother, and lots of snuggle time.

 

I pull up into our drive way, heart racing, holding back the tears. I look over to my right and grab the crinkled Things Remembered bag that ever so tightly carries my boys in their new home. The anger sets in.

 

I'm now getting my daughter out of her car seat, with my back pack on my back, babies in right hand and heading to free my four year old from his car seat.

 

I'm juggling my four kids. This isn't how I envisioned it. This hurts.

 

 

 

Do you know what it feels like to feel stuck? Even in situations that don't have anything to do with grieving and loss. Just situations where you're mind takes you to these places of what should have been, how you have been hurt, what this person did to you, what you witnessed, that situation that made you feel empty, or just dark thoughts. Stuck in this place that doesn't allow room for God to bring peace or joy in your heart?

 

I feel bipolar at times as I feel at peace one moment & stuck in the other. I can be angry yet happy all in a moment's time. Here's where I turn the script.

 

 

Although, there's an emptiness here in the vision that I once had, there's a hole that has been filled in my heart. My boys are home. They are not only here in my home with me, but they are truly home.

 

Our Pastor read a passage at their memorial that stated when you leave your Earthly body, you are in the presence of God.

 

Picture that. My boys are whole, beautiful, HAPPY, and home.

 

I know for a fact our God had a "Welcome Home" sign waiting ever so patiently as He called them to Him. Wow.

 

They are home.

 

 

This past Sunday I was working when our intern called me over. She said she knew I'd appreciate whatever it was she was about to show me. There lied a gorgeous view, blue and all, as if my boys knew I'd been missing them all day & wanted to say, "Hi Mom, we're HOME."

 

 

Welcome home boys. Welcome home.

 

 

 

{The moment they said "hello."}

_______

 

At 7pm tonight, please light a candle for all the babies that went home too soon. Also, as you light it, please please say a prayer for their Mama who carried them all the way up until He called them. My heart is with each and every single one of you tonight.

 

 

SaveSave

Share on Facebook
Share on Twitter
Please reload

Please reload

LEAVE A REPLY

YOU MAY ALSO LIKE

Please reload